A must read and an update

Dear Family and friends,
Please take a few minutes to read this article regarding a talk given by Amy Eldridge at Love without Boundaries. It's a wonderful "State of the orphans in China" review. I hope it will help some to understand why we chose special needs, why we chose a boy and why we are having some of the issues that we are with Michael right now. I feel it's a great article and definitely provides someone outside the adoption community a little more insight into China adoptions. Please go and read the article and then come back here to continue.

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Ok, glad you're back now. In the last few paragraphs of the link above, a few things are mentioned in regards to orphanage conditions that parents should be prepared for when adopting internationally - attachment, food, sleep. These are all issues that we have faced and continue to deal with on a daily basis. I feel like we were as prepared as we could be going into this adoption. Heck, I researched more for this adoption than I ever did on any project in college! Children from orphanages and foster care have a story to tell, and when they can't yet speak, it can sometimes take alot of work to figure that story out. Even then you don't always get the answers. You do the best you can, with the knowledge and the resources you have and you press on, you get through it.

All of that being said....... In a recent conversation, I was asked how things were going regarding Michael's sleep issues. (for those that don't know we've had major issues for quite some time. We finally decided to buy a king size bed and we're all sleeping together now.) I answered the question and told them briefly how things were going and filled them in on just some of what we were going through. I was then asked (several times I might add) if we had prepared for all of this. Yes, we prepared. We read the books, we talked to other families. But until you are smack dab in the middle of it, you have no idea what it's like, what you're going to do, what approach you'll take. Each child is different. What works for one child, one family, may not work for another. Michael was slow to react in my opinion. Most families, it seems, experience some of these issues not long after returning home from China with their child. Our honeymoom period with Michael lasted nearly 4 months before issues began to surface. I guess I was wrong to share what was actually going on. I suppose, from now on, when asked, I will answer, "just fine. how are things with you?" That seems to be what people want to hear anyway. Who really wants to hear the truth anymore anyways?
If you do want to hear the truth.... We are good. We're surviving. Some days are better than others, but that's just life. Things could always be worse, right? Sleep is better now that we are co-sleeping. When Michael wakes up during the night he can see that we are there, so he doesn't panic anymore. And when he wakes in the morning he's not mad like he was when he was waking up in his room alone. He still is very reluctant to go to bed at night. It takes alot of convincing and alot of time. It's sad really. We both have to tell him over and over again that he's safe, that we'll always be there, he's with us forever, that we are not going to leave him. Recently he's started holding my hand, or placing my hand on his chest while he drifts off to sleep. It makes me wonder, yet again, what was life like for him before us. Did he have more caregivers than we were lead to believe? Is he still afraid he'll wake up to someone new in the morning? We'll never know. Through all of this though, he is the most amazing little boy ever. He's a much stronger person than I am. He never ceases to amaze me and I thank God for him every day. He's blessed us in so many ways. Life with this little boy is definitely a roller coaster ride!

Going to work!

I'm calling this one the 'chinese stink eye'. Look at the look he's giving the camera!
Playing in his laundry basket